


what we're looking for

by bijyu



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Light Angst, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 13:57:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9444191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bijyu/pseuds/bijyu
Summary: Sicheng wishes things could be simpler.





	

**Author's Note:**

> so after sicheng said that yuta does aegyo for him all the time and he feels like the older brother i made a joke that yuta probably calls sicheng "hyung" when they have sex and i wanted to write something kinky but then this happened?? and it's honestly not kinky, lol

At first, Sicheng thought it would be weird. He was worried he wouldn't be able to act the way Yuta wanted him to— in fact, he wasn't sure what Yuta expected of him. It's like this in many situations, he gets a feeling that Yuta wants more than Sicheng can ever give him. He is never demanding about anything, though, he just seems— full of hope and expectations. It makes Sicheng think of a kid sitting by the window on a rainy day, already planning what games he's going to play outside once the weather turns sunny. Yuta is always like this— he focuses on the bright side of things. Sicheng thinks it's admirable, but at the same he's worried the disappointment is going to hit Yuta hard one day. It's not like it hasn't happened before, of course, but Yuta is strong and it's easy for him to find something else that can keep his spirits up. Still, Sicheng knows no human can be happy all the time.

And he doesn't want to be the reason for Yuta's disappointment. Even if it might be unavoidable one day, he surely doesn't want to disappoint him when it comes to sex. He has his pride, too, even if he knows that realistically it's impossible for things not to be awkward sometimes.

But as he looks down at Yuta now, he knows it's not going to be awkward at all. If Sicheng felt a little self-conscious the first time, it quickly faded away.  He was too mesmerized by how much Yuta liked it, how into it he was, how needy he could get and how easy it was to make him fall apart by ordering him around just a bit. He found he liked it too— it was exhilarating, the notion that he had someone in his control.

"Please," Yuta mumbles, breathless. His eyes are half-lidded, unfocused, his lips swollen from kisses and from biting on them as he tries to keep any louder sounds down. They're not alone in the dorms— Doyoung took the hint and left the room when Yuta said he needed some stress relief (though he didn't spare them a few snide comments before leaving), but the walls in the dorm are thin and even though Yuta can be pretty shameless sometimes, it seems like he doesn't want everyone to know what they're up to. Yuta is naturally loud in bed and Sicheng would like to hear him but this is interesting too, the way Yuta chews on his lips and squeezes his eyes shut, only letting small, strangled sounds escape him, the way he bites at the back of his hand when the sensations get too intense, and he especially likes it when he can make Yuta moan or gasp out loud despite his attempts to stay quiet.

"Please what?" he asks, his eyes never leaving Yuta's face as he circles his entrance with slick fingers. Yuta's still wearing his t-shirt, and his sweatpants are still tangled around his ankles, his legs are spread, bent at the knees— he looks messy, in the best way possible, and Sicheng likes it, but he still especially likes watching Yuta's face, drinking in every single reaction that shows on it. He doesn't know why but he finds it fascinating— and hot.

Yuta moves his hips lightly, pushing back against Sicheng's hand. The bed creaks beneath them but they're used to it. Their bunk bed isn't exactly the most comfortable place to fuck, and sometimes the bed sounds like it's going to break under them, but Sicheng doesn't mind anymore. There's not a lot of space but that makes them stay close all the time and it feels intimate— although Sicheng doesn't exactly appreciate hitting his head against the upper bunk, it's not all bad.

Yuta looks up at him with wide eyes. "Hyung..." he breathes, and looks away, his cheeks turning red. Sicheng clearly remembers that the first time Yuta said it.  Earlier, when Yuta had asked if it was okay for him to call Sicheng that, he had seemed perfectly relaxed about it.  Discussing what they want to do in bed is never awkward between them, Yuta alwas laughs and makes jokes and it's actually fun, teaching each other dirty words in their mother tongues. But the moment Yuta said it during sex, his whole body flushed and he absolutely couldn't meet Sicheng's eyes. Sicheng found it confusing— but then he realized it wasn't just embarrassment about the word, it was also about how much Yuta obviously liked it. Sicheng understood the connocations of it even before, just in case, he briefly looked it up online. Yuta wanted someone to order him around and dote on him a little. What baffled him is that he picked him, of all people. He wasn't sure he could do it the way Yuta wanted him to. It took him a while to realize that Yuta simply didn't want anyone else at all.

It's something that still troubles Sicheng from time to time but he tries not to think about it too much.

He slowly slides a finger into Yuta and moves it around, stretching the muscles. Yuta tenses a bit, his breath hitching— then he tries to relax and he gives Sicheng a small smile. So many expressions in such a short time. Yuta is tight, and it reminds Sicheng it's been a while since they'd last had penetrative sex.  Back then Yuta insisted he wanted to ride him, and he was the one who ended up bumping his head against the upper bunk. The memory makes Sicheng smile— both because it was funny, and because, despite that small accident, it felt really, really good. And that position was good for watching Yuta, the way his face contorted in pleasure every time he rolled his hips, every time Sicheng's cock slid all the way into him, filling him.

He adds another finger and spreads them inside, pressing against the inner walls. Yuta sighs and opens his legs a little further, encouraging him. Sicheng moves the fingers in and out, until he draws one of those strangled little gasps out of Yuta. He then slides in another finger and Sicheng massages that spot which makes Yuta's body tense in pleasure; Yuta closes his eyes, his brows furrowed, lips parted as he takes in short, quick breaths. Sicheng can feel his muscles clench around his fingers reflexively each time he presses harder against that spot. Soon Yuta starts rocking his hips against the fingers, fucking himself on them. He's flushed, with his hair tousled, his t-shirt rolled up to his chest, his cock hard and leaking precome onto his stomach. So messy, but so pretty— Sicheng loves it, and he keeps watching Yuta, as always captivated by how expressive he is. Making him feel good is satisfying— every little sensation reflects on his face.

But by now Sicheng is getting impatient, and the way Yuta clamps around his fingers doesn't help. He can't wait to be inside him.

"Do you want to come?" he asks— Yuta seems close already, it's become too easy for Sicheng to make him come like this, he knows just what Yuta likes too well. "Or do you want me to fuck you?" It's just a question, not really a prompt to make Yuta beg, but he knows Yuta is going to interpret it that way and it's mostly why he says it in the first place. Yuta lets out a soft whine, visibly having difficulties gathering his thoughts.

"I need you inside me, please," he says softly. He's out of breath and he sounds vulnerable, for the lack of a better word, and this still scares Sicheng a little. Sometimes it hits him that Yuta lets his guard down around him completely and he's not sure what to do about that. Why does Yuta trust him so much?

It's probably best not to think about it too much.

He runs his ingers up and down Yuta's thigh, for once looking away from his face, instead focusing on the way his skin feels under his fingertips. But then he thinks of the way Yuta instinctively leans into every single touch, as if he can't get enough. He bites his lip.

"Turn around," he says, and Yuta hesitates for a split of a second, looking at him with confusion in his eyes, but then he obeys, all too easily, going on all fours.

They rarely fuck like this, but Sicheng decides this is what he wants this time.

He unwraps a condom and rolls it on, and then he's finally pushing into Yuta, slowly burying himself in the warmth of his body. The lack of space gives him no other choice but to align his body to Yuta's, his chest pressed to Yuta's back, and even through the clothes he can feel the muscles in Yuta's back tense, can feel him tremble. Yuta is tight and hot around him and it's really been a while, it just feels so fucking good it makes his head swim, but he stops himself from moving, giving Yuta time to adjust.

To his confusion, Yuta doesn't exactly appreciate it. "Sicheng... just fuck me," he says. His voice sounds raw, desperate. "Please.”

He hesitates— maybe Yuta wants him to tease, to ask him to beg— but fuck, he's not in the mood for that now. Maybe next time, when he doesn't feel so aroused, like he's about to come already. He groans in relief when he finally moves; he grips Yuta's hip with one of his hands and starts thrusting in, revelling in the sensation of Yuta's body clenching around him. He keeps that pace for a while, slow, lazy, irregular thrusts, just enjoying how good it feels, until he hears Yuta moan softly, pressing back against him to get him deeper inside. He picks up the pace and Yuta meets every single of his thrusts, small sounds of pleasure escaping his lips. Sicheng likes hearing them but still, for how much Yuta usually talks, he's very quiet now, and Sicheng can't see his face, which usually tells him everything. It suddenly feels like something is missing.

"Does it feel good?" he asks, mubling the words against Yuta's ear. He feels him shiver.

"So good..." is Yuta's breathless reply. "You could fuck me like this... for hours... and I'd love every second of it."

He can't help but chuckle at that, though it comes out shaky, strained. "Wouldn't that get boring?"

Yuta hums— turns into a moan when Sicheng presses him a little further to the bed, changing the angle. "I just love... the way you feel inside me..."

Shit. He can’t lie, it really turns him on when Yuta acts so needy, even if the reason behind it makes him feel uneasy.

Soon he's on the verge of coming, and he barely notices Yuta tense beneath him— he's usually quiet when he comes, unless he knows they're alone and he can get loud, but Sicheng can feel it, especially in the way Yuta's body tightens around him. It pushes him over the edge too; his pace stutters as he rides out his orgasm, and then they collapse on the bed in a tangled mess of limbs. Yuta soon manages to wriggle them into a more or less comfortable position— Sicheng busies himself with taking off the condom and wiping them both clean with tissues. The bed sheets will still need changing, but if he's honest, they needed washing anyway.

When he turns to lie on his side, facing Yuta, he's greeted with a warm smile and twinkling eyes. "I want one more round but Doyung would probably kill us," he sighs.

Sicheng smiles back. "What happened to doing it for hours?"

"Well, if you want to do it with Doyoung watching us..."

Sicheng laughs at that. "I bet his face would look funny."

"Ew." Yuta scrunches his nose up. "Doyoung's face is about the last thing I wanna think about when we fuck.”

"Why?" Sicheng asks, because he doesn't really understand, even if he knows the reason. "I think he's cute."

For a moment it seems like Yuta is going to reply with another joke, but then he seems to change his mind, and just looks away. He doesn't seem upset, but Sicheng can feel he is, and he knows, _he knows_ he should stop saying things that make Yuta feel like that, but at the same time, he's afraid of _not_ making Yuta feel like that, of making him believe there's something more between them.

"He may be cute but he's not you," Yuta says finally, voice quiet. Then he meets Sicheng's eyes and smiles, and just like that he says, "I love you."

He has that hopeful, expectant expression on his face that reminds Sicheng of rainy days and waiting to play outside. It only makes Sicheng uncomfortable—he's afraid that he might not want to ever play outside. Maybe he just likes rainy days— maybe he's that kid who'd rather stay at home and do puzzles all day, and he can never make Yuta happy. He wishes they could settle for something in between, but Yuta will always want more, won't he?

Still, Yuta doesn't press for an answer, and he just smiles happily when Sicheng silently shifts closer to him and wraps his arms around him. Maybe, he thinks, Yuta knows how he feels and he is fine with the way things are— maybe he wants to stay close to him even if Sicheng can't love him back, not that way.

But at the same time Sicheng knows Yuta values his happiness, and he might get tired of not getting what he wants one day. It scares him— it's stupid, really, and probably selfish. He doesn't want Yuta too close but he doesn't want to lose him, either.

He wishes things could be simple— no labels, no official relationships, no _I love yous_ that are supposed to mean something more than just your regular _i love yous,_ something that he doesn’t really understand. He wishes that they could be comfortably close without any of those things. But he knows it can't be that easy; all he can do is try to be as optimistic as Yuta is, and hope for the best.

 

 

 

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**Author's Note:**

> i think it's obvious but just in case- sicheng is (gray?) aromantic, and very confused about his feelings for yuta
> 
> i'm still a bit ??? about yuwin so i hope this is okay!! thank you for reading~


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